I am proud of myself, and I'm not saying that lightly. I hate to say it but I tend to give up on things. Regularly. Fitness and eating right is right there at the top of the things that I never took seriously enough to stay committed to.
The last few days I have not skipped a workout and I have not eaten McDonalds, BK, etc. I did, though, have a Coke, but it was not finished. I figure I can't give everything up at once, but I am really limiting my soft drink exposure. I have committed to no longer buying it and keeping it in the house. I have been replacing my Coke cravings with either ice cold water or Crystal Light.
Today I ran a mile on the treadmill, did Chalean Extreme's Burn It Up and Recharge. Physically, I'm feeling really good! But, as I type this I have a migraine trying to set in (wonder if it has anything to do with Band of Brother's that my son is watching. All I hear is yelling and gunshots... non stop.... can't wait to get my laptop fixed so I can hide in my bedroom!).
I have been off of work for two weeks now. I have loved every minute of it, being able to get my kids ready and off to school and be there to get them off the bus. The only stress regarding my current situation is the financial aspect. I am no longer working, so I am relying on the child support to get by from day to day. It is a struggle, especially when my older kids think they need to go all over town, have spending money and eat everything the day I buy it. I know there is going to be a learning curve for all of us. I start my classes on October 4th, so I'm sure I'll feel better about not working (I stopped working to go to school full time). I just need to stay true to myself and to my family and remember my priorities and NOT get sucked into the feeling of inadequacy of not being good enough to support my family. Being unemployed is just temporary and I will soon have my degree in Business Management.
My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I'll be 35. This really made me sit back and think about my life. Where I've been, where I am and where I'm going. I had to face some ugly truths about myself.
Where I have been:
I realized that I have always put my own happiness in the hands of others. Married @ 19 with a baby. Divorced @ 22 with 2 kids. Married again @ 26, moved out of state with my two kids and created a new life with my new husband. Divorced @32. 3 kids later, 5 kids total - unhappy. I was never one, from high school onward, to be too long without a boyfriend. I always thought that being in a relationship would bring me the happiness I didn't realize I was "searching" for.
Where I am:
In all of my unhappiness over the last several years, I have found myself very overweight. I never saw myself being 34, divorced x2, raising 5 kids alone on a limited income, no college degree and living in a dump of a duplex hundreds of miles away from my "lifeline"... friends and family. Yes, I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and don't like my situation. I have not been in a relationship since my divorce in 2008. Now is the time for me to get my dreams realized! Time for serious soul searching! I am going back to school full time so I can get my degree that much sooner. I am doing something to lose this weight and get healthy. I know that a man can not be the reason for my happiness. I have to love me before I can love anyone else and before anyone else can love me.
In addition to just losing weight, I am turning that into my business of helping others lose weight and get fit. I owe this to Beachbody. This is going to be my chance to turn my life around, in all aspects, and get it on the track I want it to be on, instead of being a victim of "the wrong path".
By the time I'm 40 (that really sounds scary to me now!) I am going to have a college degree. I will be the most fit I have ever been. I am going to have a successful Beachbody business and I am going to be working MY OWN NON PROFIT! Who knows, maybe I'll incorporate Beachbody into that business! :)
Here's to bigger and better things my friends!!!
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